Established 2011
Two friends hugging tightly, one in a white dress with a sparkly sash

Asked to be her maid of honour?

What does the maid of honour do for the hens? The part you bring, and the jobs you can share

She asked you because she trusts you. Here are the five jobs that are properly yours, the ones that can go to someone else, and a sorter that tells you which is which. This guide is about the hens, from being asked to being there with her.

Sort the jobs Just want the answer? It’s right below

The short answer

The short answer, for the group chat.

The maid of honour keeps the hens feeling like the bride: she asks what she’d love, gets a plan and a date moving, and agrees who does which jobs. Organising can be shared, and paying for the group is a separate conversation. Her biggest job is the one nobody else can do: being there beside her when it lands.

You were asked because she trusts your taste, your judgement and you. That’s the part worth protecting. Everything else on this page is about making room for it.

If you use a different title, or you’re sharing the organising, all of this still holds. The wedding-day jobs, like the dress shopping and the speech, aren’t covered here. This one’s just the hens.

Written by the My Ultimate Hens team, a female-founded hens party company since 2011. Who we are

Two friends toasting cocktails together, one wearing a white sash
She knows what makes her light up.

The honour

You know the little things that make it hers

You know the song she’ll sing before the chorus. Whether she’d love a surprise entrance or everyone around one long table. The story that makes her laugh before you’ve finished telling it.

That’s the part she asked you for. Ask her what she wants from her hens, keep her answer close, and let the plan grow from there. What she wants now beats what she loved five years ago, so ask.

Somewhere between “of course I’ll do it” and the group chat, celebrating her can quietly turn into running a small event. You’re allowed to notice that. You also don’t need the whole day worked out yet. One thing she’d love is a real start.

ReservedShe gets her people. You get to be one of them.

Your five

Five jobs that are properly yours

These aren’t a to-do list. They’re the five places your judgement and your love for her do the work.

  1. Know what she’d love

    Ask who she wants there, what she’d love and what she’d skip. Then keep one line in her own words. “I just want everyone together for a proper long lunch” is a far better starting point than a folder of unrelated screenshots.

    This is the job behind the moment she turns to you and says, “How did you know?”

  2. Get it started

    Agree who is making the main arrangements and help the group land on a date. If you’re leading, give everyone a next decision to say yes to. A direction beats a finished table plan every time. Want the order of play? Here’s how to plan a hens party, step by step.

  3. Keep her in every decision

    When ideas arrive, bring them back to what she wants. You decide inside what you’ve agreed with her, from the guest list to the surprises to the spending. Being trusted is the start of a conversation with her, not the end of one.

  4. Agree who’s doing what

    Hand the practical jobs over properly. One friend gathers the replies, another brings the personal touch. Give each job a name, an end point and a date for an update, so “I’ll help” becomes something that actually happens. The sorter further down does exactly this.

  5. Be there with her

    Save yourself a seat at the table, a spot in the photo and a front row for the moment the surprise lands. A little handover beforehand means you hear the end of the story instead of slipping off to check on something.

    This is the one job nobody can do for you. You’re part of the hens too.

You know the story. Stay for the laugh.

Share the load

The practical jobs can have more than one pair of hands

You can care about the whole celebration and still agree who looks after each part. Here are six that hand over well.

Gathering replies

One willing friend chases the answers by an agreed date and passes the confirmed numbers to whoever holds the booking.

Everyone knows how to say yes. You get one clear number.

Keeping the booking details together

Whoever holds the booking keeps the confirmations in one place and shares what the others need to know.

Anyone helping can answer “where do we need to be?” without ringing you.

Sorting somewhere to sleep

Someone finds out who is actually staying, checks the beds and the check-in time, and sends back one agreed plan.

The getting-ready scene has somewhere to happen.

Gathering ideas

The small planning circle weighs each idea against what the bride said she’d love and what the group can really do.

The invitation goes out with one direction.

Checking the journey

Someone looks at how the group actually gets from one place to the next, and home again, bags and outfit changes included.

The next part of the day starts where the girls already are.

Bringing the small personal moments

A friend who shares the memory takes one agreed detail, a song, a story, a toast, and sees it through.

She recognises the thought behind it straight away.

A job is shared once someone has said yes, knows what “done” looks like and knows when you’d like an update.

A name written on a list is only a request. One friend can bring the song. Another can hold the phone.

And the bits nobody thinks to look for, like which places are glad to see a hens group and which are putting up with one? Those aren’t yours to know. They’re ours.

A big hens group in black sashes sitting together around a long restaurant table, one of them in a pink sash
A long table, and everyone gets a seat.

The seating plan

Who does what at a hens party?

There’s no compulsory job description. Start with this, then agree what suits your people.

Who does what at a hens party
WhoCan take the lead onWorth agreeing
Maid of honour, or whoever is leadingKeeping the bride’s wishes in every decision, moving the plan along and connecting the people who are helping.How much time she has, and which decisions are hers to make.
Other bridesmaids and willing friendsOne clear job each, plus the personal touches.What “done” looks like, what it costs and when it needs to be ready.
The brideHer guest list, what she loves and hates, and how much of a surprise she wants.What she wants to know, and which calls others can make for her.
GuestsReplying, saying what they need and showing up for what they’ve said yes to.The plan, what’s included, the amount and the reply date.
The bit that quietly lands on one personThe chasing: a supplier who hasn’t turned up, a payment nobody’s followed up, a ride that isn’t where the girls are.Who the contact is, so the answer isn’t always “ask her”.

A My Ultimate Hens package looks after what is in the package: the stops, the timing between them, the inclusions. The jobs in the rows above still need their owners, and the sorter below shows you which ones are yours.

Whose job is it?

Sort the moments. Keep the ones that are yours.

Some parts need your judgement. Some can be shared. Some don’t belong in the plan at all. Sort the moments that sound familiar and you’ll end up with a card to talk through with the people helping.

Sixteen moments, and where each one tends to sit

Pick a moment that sounds familiar. Each one shows how it looks if it’s yours, if it can be shared, and if it belongs with someone else.

  1. “I’ve got lots of ideas, but I haven’t actually asked what she’d love.”

    • Mine. A lovely place to begin. Ask what she’d enjoy, then keep her answer in her own words.
    • Share it. Ask someone close to her to join the conversation, so you’re both working from the same picture.
    • Not mine. Someone still needs her input before anything is chosen. Agree who’s going to ask.

  2. “Six people have suggested six completely different hens.”

    • Mine. Bring the ideas back to what she’d love and what the group can really do, then propose one direction. A worry about cost or getting there is real information, so count it.
    • Share it. Choose a small planning circle and agree how you’ll make the next decision.
    • Not mine. Leave the call with the agreed lead, and make sure they’ve got the bride’s preferences.

  3. “Someone wants to change the date after we’ve started making arrangements.”

    • Mine. Check the bride’s availability and what’s already booked before you promise anything.
    • Share it. Ask whoever holds the booking to check the arrangements while you talk to the bride.
    • Not mine. Pass it to whoever is leading, so guests get one clear answer once it’s been checked.

  4. “Her mum has asked me what the plan is.”

    • Mine. Send the confirmed details, and keep any agreed surprise out of the message.
    • Share it. The friend looking after guest updates can send her the same clear information.
    • Not mine. Point her to the person or the plan that holds the answer, so she knows where to look.

  5. “A payment is coming up and some guests haven’t paid yet.”

    • Mine. Work from the arrangement you agreed and the real due date, and keep the chasing private.
    • Share it. Someone can help with the reminders, with a clear update back to whoever holds the booking.
    • Not mine. Hand it to whoever is handling the booking. It needs an owner, not a quiet top-up from you.

  6. “Someone wants a price before we’ve confirmed what’s included.”

    • Mine. Check the current details before you give the group a figure.
    • Share it. Ask the person gathering the details to confirm what’s included and what costs extra, together.
    • Not mine. Send the question to whoever holds the booking rather than guessing.

  7. “We’ve chosen the stops, but nobody has checked how we get between them.”

    • Mine. Check the real journey, including gathering everyone, bags and outfit changes.
    • Share it. Give someone the stops and the times, and ask them to come back with a route that works.
    • Not mine. Even if it’s covered or already agreed, someone still needs to check it. Make sure that someone has a name.

  8. “We’re staying over, but nobody’s sure who’s sleeping where.”

    • Mine. Work from the confirmed place and ask who is actually staying.
    • Share it. A willing friend can check the beds and the check-in time, then send back one agreed plan.
    • Not mine. If someone else owns the booking, pass it to them and ask when the details will be shared.

  1. “She wants a surprise, and I want to get it right.”

    • Mine. Ask about her guest list, what she needs and how she feels about attention, then keep one small detail secret.
    • Share it. Agree the outline with her, then let one willing friend help with the surprise.
    • Not mine. Another agreed organiser can lead it. Her preferences still come first.

  2. “One of the guests won’t know anyone else.”

    • Mine. Introduce her to someone she has something in common with, then let the conversation find its own way.
    • Share it. Ask a warm, willing friend to make the first introduction.
    • Not mine. You don’t have to host every conversation. Check that someone will give her a friendly first hello.

  3. “Another decoration idea has arrived, after we’d already chosen the look.”

    • Mine. If you want to add it, check the time, the cost and whether the venue allows it before you take it on.
    • Share it. The person who suggested it can offer to handle it, if it fits what you’ve agreed.
    • Not mine. You can keep the look you’ve chosen. An extra doesn’t need a new owner.

  4. “I feel responsible for everyone having the best time, every minute.”

    • Mine. Choose one thing you can do, like a warm welcome. Everyone’s mood isn’t yours to guarantee.
    • Share it. Share the practical hosting moments and leave people room to enjoy themselves their own way.
    • Not mine. You can care about the group without owning every reaction.

  5. “I’m in charge of the photos, which means I’m never in them.”

    • Mine. Pick a few moments to capture, then hand the phone over so you’re in a few too.
    • Share it. Ask someone else to take the full-group photo, and agree what’s okay to post.
    • Not mine. Leave the photos with a willing friend and enjoy the moment.

  6. “I want one little moment she’ll recognise straight away.”

    • Mine. A familiar song or a few words from her people can be enough. Pick the one you want to create.
    • Share it. Ask someone who shares the memory to help bring that one detail to life.
    • Not mine. Another friend can bring the personal touch. It doesn’t all have to come from you.

  7. “I live in another city, and somebody needs to check the local details.”

    • Mine. Use confirmed information for what you can check from where you are, and flag anything that needs someone local.
    • Share it. Ask a local friend to check one defined thing and send the answer back.
    • Not mine. Leave the local check with an agreed person and keep the part you can do from afar.

  8. “Our package has a host, but I’m not sure which parts they look after.”

    • Mine. Check the package details, or ask us what the host covers.
    • Share it. Whoever holds the booking can confirm the host’s role and pass it on to the group.
    • Not mine. If it’s already included, leave it with the confirmed host and check the remaining jobs separately.

That’s all sixteen. If the moments you’re holding aren’t on the list, the rule is the same: keep what needs your judgement, hand over what has a clear end point, and let someone say yes before you cross it off.

The planning circle

The group chat is where hens options go to die

People argue with ideas. They say yes to plans.

Keep the deciding with the small planning circle you’ve agreed. Then give everyone else one plan to answer: the date, the time, what’s on, the amount and the reply-by date, all in one place.

Questions about cost, getting there or whether someone can come still deserve a proper answer. Keep the personal conversations private and the shared information useful.

Need the words? The MOH Group Chat Starter Pack has the messages, ready to paste.

The money bit

Organising is the gift. Paying for the group is its own conversation.

Your title doesn’t put the group’s bill on you.

Everyone pays for her own place, the bride’s place is usually split across the group or shouted by the bridesmaids, and one person collects and pays once. Settle who is covering what before anyone commits, and say the number early.

Who pays for the hens party has the lot, including how to say it out loud.

The part that makes it hers

You can start with this much

One thing she’d love. One thing she’d hate. One moment that feels completely like her.

No full picture needed. Put those three lines on a card for yourself or the people helping, and the ideas have somewhere to come back to while you work out the rest.

Two friends in flower crowns arranging flowers together at a garden table
The detail she’ll recognise straight away.

A starting point to check with her. Leave out anything private before you share it.

My Ultimate Hens

Her card

She’d love

Your answer shows up here.

She’d hate

Your answer shows up here.

So her

Your answer shows up here.

My Ultimate Hens · Maid of honour hens guide

Keep this beside the ideas you collect. It helps you recognise the celebration that feels right for her.

When a hand helps

What would make this easier to enjoy?

Sometimes one willing friend and a simpler plan is plenty. Here’s the honest order to try things in.

  1. Share a job

    If the plan is good and the work just needs spreading around, hand over one job with a clear end point. That alone changes a lot.

  2. Simplify the plan

    If the extras are what’s making it hard, drop one. Keep the celebration in one place. Fewer moving parts is a perfectly good hens.

  3. See it laid out

    If you’d rather choose a celebration with its sequence and inclusions already set out, that’s what a My Ultimate Hens package is. You bring what you know about her, and one of us helps you find the one that fits her and the people coming. Not sure? Hens party packages vs DIY planning weighs up both.

Explore her cityStill finding the feeling? Explore hens ideas

Real words from people in your seat

A group of friends in heart-shaped sunglasses together at a venue with disco lights

Hi Tegan, I just wanted to thank you for arranging the hens package for Paige. She and all us girls really enjoyed it. I really appreciated all your work and how much easier it was to make it all happen with you then on my own.

I will definitely be recommending My Ultimate Hens to other brides and bridal parties. Paige had a great evening and enjoyed herself. Thank you again to everyone at My Ultimate Hens for helping to organise this event.

Have a great day.

Emily xx

Emily, who organised Paige’s hens in Sydney
A bride to be in a silver sparkly hat and pink sunglasses, laughing, wearing a sash

Feeling like the luckiest girl in the world to have the BEST maid of honour and best friend. Thank you for organising the perfect hens weekend!

A bride’s thank-you, Brisbane hens weekend

Read more from real hens parties

Quick answers

The maid of honour, asked and answered

What does the maid of honour do at a hens party?

She keeps the bride’s wishes at the centre, gets the plan moving and agrees who handles the practical parts. On the night she’s there: welcoming people, backing the plan and enjoying it too. The exact role is something to agree with the bride and the group, not assume. The five jobs above are a good place to start.

Does the maid of honour have to plan the hens party?

No. The title doesn’t hand you the whole hens. The bride, friends, family or a few of you together can make the arrangements. Agree who is leading and what help is on offer before anything is booked. If you are taking the lead, how to plan a hens party walks through the order.

Does the maid of honour pay for the hens?

She pays for her own place, like everyone else. Being maid of honour doesn’t mean covering the group, and the bride’s place is usually split across the group or shouted by the bridesmaids between them. Settle it before anyone commits. Who pays for the hens party has the full answer.

Can the bridesmaids share the hens planning?

Yes, when they’re willing and the jobs are clear. Give each person one outcome, the information they need and a date for an update. Keep the main decisions with the small planning circle you’ve agreed. A job is only handed over once the person has said yes.

What if the bride wants her hens to be a surprise?

Agree the outline first: who’s coming, the date, what she needs and how much attention she enjoys. Then choose which details stay secret. A surprise can be one small personal moment inside a plan she’s comfortable with. The guests still need enough information to say yes and get ready.

What if I live in a different city from the bride?

You can still lead the decisions and the personal touches from wherever you are. Agree what you can check remotely and who can handle anything that needs someone local. Keep confirmed details in one place and make each handover specific. Being maid of honour doesn’t mean being there for every arrangement.

What if I’ve never planned anything like this?

Start by asking the bride what she’d love and who can help. You don’t need every detail before the first decision. The sorter above helps you agree your part. Once the plan is taking shape, the hens party checklist tracks the tasks.

What does the maid of honour wear to the hens?

Whatever suits the day you’ve planned: the activity, the weather and how much you’ll be moving about. There’s no maid-of-honour uniform unless you and the bride choose one. Agree the dress code with the group, then dress for the plan. What to wear on a hens night has plenty of inspiration.

Over to you

Tell us what you’re picturing for her

Her city, a date or roughly when, how many of you are coming and the part she’d love most. Start there and one of us will come back to you.

A few quick details:

First name is fine.
We will always text first though!
We’ll text about your hens using the number you give us.
Not locked yet? Rough is fine.
‘About 15-ish’ is a completely legitimate answer.

Pop her name in, even just her first name.

YOU’RE HER…

Tick as many as apply.

WILL WHAT’S HAPPENING BE A SURPRISE FOR THE HEN?

Oops, you have to tick that you’re not a robot!

That didn’t send. Give it one more go.

Hmm, we couldn’t confirm that one went through. Give it one more go.

Sending this starts a conversation, not a booking. We’ll look at what fits, then come back with full package details, the nitty gritty and a personalised link you can pop into the group chat.

Hens in sashes and a tiara clinking glasses of bubbles across a table

Your move

Where is she celebrating?

Ask her what she’d love. Hand over a job or two. Then save yourself the seat next to hers.

ReservedRight beside the bride

My Ultimate Hens is a female-founded hens party company, founded in 2011 and now running hens nights and weekends in six Australian cities. Read what organisers say · More hens party inspo